


The M.A.

by turniper (simpernicus)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Diverse Medias, EXTREME GUILT, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Kid Fic, M/M, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, parenting issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpernicus/pseuds/turniper
Summary: >Menu>>Who We Are>>>> The Muggleborn Association is a group of wizards; muggleborn, pureblood, and halfblood, who have devoted themselves to the integration of muggleborns from their world into ours as well as purebloods into theirs.>>Adoption Program>>>> On occasion, some muggle parents can't handle the fact that their child are magical. We take in their children and find amazing homes for them.>>Tutoring Program>>>>The tutoring program is a great opportunity for older purebloods to learn about the muggle world on a two-year training trip before returning home to tutor a muggleborn before they officially start their wizarding journey.>Reviews>>>> "I am so thankful for the MA for giving me my beautiful daughter and providing her (and I) the chance to learn about wizarding culture as well as the opportunity to truly meet an exceptional wizard and tutor." -H.J. POTTER>>>>"The MA enabled me to get my life back on track as well as find people who love and cherish me as I do them." -D.L. Malfoy
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	1. Pilot

A daughter. Harry Potter knew his life was missing so many things, but he never thought one of those missing pieces would be a daughter. A beautiful little girl with thick honey-blonde hair that grew so fast there was no doubt she had magic flowing through her blood. A small angel with piercing black eyes that shined brighter than any others. No, she wasn’t at all related to Harry, but she was Harry’s daughter. His pride and joy.

“Ness?” She deserved the absolute best and Harry would give it to her no matter what, “Vanessa? Sweets come downstairs.”

Harry walked a plate of toast and eggs over to the kitchen table and placed it down at his daughter’s spot, listening to the eager sound of Nessa’s feet hitting the ground as she ran down the stairs.

“Daddy!” The girl sang out from the top of the stairs, wearing a giant gummy smile. “I’m ten now!”

“Yes, you are love. I made toast and eggs.” Harry looked down at Nessa’s place setting before walking back over to the kitchen to grab his own.

“Why just this?”

Harry chuckled, “We have a special day ahead. One that involves a lot of sweets, so you need to have at least one healthy meal.”

Nessa nodded, stuffing her toast into her mouth, letting crumbs fall all over her nightgown. “What are we going to do today?”

Harry smiled. He knew the day he had planned might not be as fun as his daughter wished, but he had been putting it off for too long. He basically no longer had a choice, “We’re going to Diagon Alley.”

Nessa’s eyes widened in excitement as she looked up her father. Harry could tell she was surprised. He had made it seem like she would never get to actually step foot in the wizarding world. Ultimately it might have been selfish of him. His experience in the wizarding world would not necessarily be his daughter’s. But it could be worse.

Nessa was a muggleborn whose parents couldn’t handle the concept of magic. Through Hermione’s MA (muggleborn association) he adopted Nessa as his own. Magic had already taken something away from the girl, and he couldn’t help but be scared it would take something else as well.

“We are going to do lots of fun things there. But we have to stop by Auntie Mione’s company first. We have to get you a tutor.”

“I can read at above level though. I go to school and I do good.”

“Well.” He interpolated.

“Well what?”

Harry laughed taking a final bite of his eggs. “I know you do well in school, it’s a wizarding tutor to teach you about wizarding culture.” Harry reached over for Nessa’s empty plate in order to clear them both.

“Why can’t you do it though?”

“Not qualified,” Harry said directly quoting Hermione. The majority of the tutors at the MAA were trained purebloods who spent two years living as a muggle and thoroughly learning their culture. According to Hermione, most of the tutors emerge from their training knowing more about muggle culture that Hermione herself.

“You’re just too good Daddy don’t worry.” Nessa walked up to Harry and placed her hand on his arm in order to consul him. Harry smiled.

“Ness, can I trust you to get ready quickly on your own or do I need to set the timer?”

“I’m old now Daddy,” she explained slowly, as if addressing a child younger than her, “I got it. Don’t worry, okay?”

Harry chuckled as he watched Nessa run up the stairs excitedly. After she was no longer in view, Harry walked over to the floo in order to call Hermione.

He sat down and sighed. He was clearly the only one stressing about this.

“Harry you are coming today, right? You signed papers that you would have her paired up with a tutor by the age of ten.” Hermione asked, concerned.

“She’s getting dressed.” He responded; his voice dejected.

“Harry, I don’t understand why you are so stressed about this? She’s not going to Hogwarts until next year. This is just a wizard coming to your house every week until then.”

“What if I don’t want to raise her a wizard. What if we just leave.” Harry looked into fire Hermione’s eyes desperately.

“Harry that would not just be cruel but also dangerous. You’ve practically kept her out of both the wizarding world and the muggle world all her life. She belongs in the wizarding world, Harry.” Hermione’s tone held remnants of anger that Harry noticed her trying to restrain.

“And I cursed her by giving her my last name. My daughter will never get a normal life because she’s my daughter.”

“Harry. We’ll take care of her. Please don’t worry.”

Harry signed and hung up the firecall as he heard Nessa walking down the stairs.

“Daddy? Do I get to use the floo too?” Nessa asked, looking into the empty fireplace.

Harry nodded and forced a smile on his face. His daughter winced, noticing his discomfort. Harry frowned; Nessa really wasn’t a child anymore. She noticed things and she had been for a while. Despite how much protection Harry felt compelled to give her, she didn’t even need a quarter of it.

“Follow me, Ness.”

“Happy birthday Vanessa, how’s Diagon Alley so far?” Hermione knelt down slightly. She was wearing heels on top of her already generous height. In them, even Harry had to look up at her.

“It’s so cool. My dad was telling me about all the different stores. We haven’t even gone in any yet, but I’ve already had fun.” Nessa smiled at Hermione, excited.

Harry watched her; she was playing with her hair behind her back. He wondered if she was ready for another haircut, her hair had been growing faster and faster these days. Hermione said it was pent up magical energy. Nessa hadn’t had any instances of accidental magic like most kids, besides her Rapunzel-like hair. But neither Harry nor Hermione thought it was accidental magic. Hermione had hypothesised that she was some sort of metamorphagous, but with her being muggleborn, it was unlikely.

“So how exactly is this going to work Mione,” Harry asked, leaning slightly toward his daughter who was looking around the office building that in no way matched its rundown exterior.

“Well,” Hermione began, catching Nessa’s attention. “Vanessa, you are going to go down the hallway into a big room. In the room there are going to be ten booths set up. You are going to meet everyone. You’ll tell them your first name and somethings you like. They’ll tell you the same and you’ll get to a have a quick conversation. Each person will also tell you a number. When you are done, you will write down the number of the person you got along with the best on a piece of paper and exit the room on the other side.”

“Oh,” Nessa smiled, “Like the icebreaker games at school!”

“Exactly.” Hermione smiled. “Faith is going to take you into the room. She’ll give you a clipboard with a piece of paper. If you want you can take notes, but you don’t have to.”

“I will definitely take notes.” She straightened up and clasped her hands in front of her, making a face reminiscent of Hermione’s when she was younger. Both Harry and Hermione smiled.

“Smart decision. Your daddy and I will be on the other side of the room waiting for you.” Hermione stood up straight and turned over her shoulder to the younger woman at her desk. “Faith, will you take Vanessa through?”

She nodded and stood up from the desk chair. She was most definitely just a few years out of Hogwarts. Hermione loved to hire younger people in order to give them work experience. She also claimed they were easier to work with since people her age and older tended to withhold respect.

With a tight smile, or possibly grimace, Harry watched Vanessa calmly walk off with Faith.

“Why do you do it like this? Shouldn’t parents have a say in who tutors their children.”

“We do it for the children. I don’t want unintended bias against purebloods from parents to prevent children from being paired up with who they get along with best.”

“Yeah, but what if it’s someone bad?” Harry pointed out, in a childish tone.

“We don’t have anyone bad. I hire people regardless of who they were. They are good people now and I would bet my life on it. Of course, I look into their history, but sometimes what you see isn’t what it is. These purebloods know just as much about muggle culture as I do, possibly more. They are here to learn as well as to teach.”

Harry followed Hermione down a long hallway into another reception-like area.

“You can say no, but if you do Harry. What you are really saying is that you don’t want what could be best for your child. As your friend Harry and not as the CEO of MA, I won’t let you say no.”

Harry stared at the door which led would eventually open to reveal his daughter, “Are there people I know in there? You are making it sound like you are pretty sure I’m going to say no.”

Hermione looked at Harry in the eye, giving him the answer, not the one he was opening for either. “Ron and I are thinking about adopting. But we don’t know if it is a good idea to have one child of our own and adopt a child. Them to feel out of place with Rose.”

Harry frowned at the shift in the conversation but accepted it and responded, “I think you should. You had Rose really young and you’re still young enough to raise another child. Just wait for a redhead.”

“But Harry, it’s rare that we obliviate the children of their past memories. Unless their memories are too traumatic, we leave them with the child. Odds are the child will know they aren’t biologically related to us.”

Harry frowned, “So what. Vanessa isn’t related to me. She’s just as much my daughter as Rose is yours.” Harry found his heart speeding up. He knew Hermione didn’t mean any of what she said in the way that Harry chose to take it. However, he was in such a bad mood that he couldn’t help but see it that way.

“Harry, you need to calm down. It’s your daughter’s birthday.”

As if on cue, Nessa pushed open the door smiling, “I’m done. Number five. He’s my favourite. He was funny and nice, and he had nice hair and he was smart, and he said he is good at magic and knows a lot about muggles and wizards!” Nessa stops if only to take a breath.

Harry looks at Hermione, who is wearing a smile different than the one she had been wearing when he had come in. The smile looked genuine, but she could tell she was concerned. Harry latched onto this concern and began to worry about who his daughter picked. Clearly Hermione liked all of the wizards in there, so her concern had to be for Harry.

“Number five? We almost lost him to the muggle world.” Hemione stood up straight and let the concern drip away from her smile.

Nessa’s eyes widened, “Did he almost die? He seems too smart to almost die!”

“No not like that. He loved it so much he didn’t want to come back. He’ll be able to teach you about your wizard culture and your muggle culture better than anyone else in that room.” Hermione turned to Harry and looked him directly in the eye. “I swear on my everything.”

“Daddy. Odaytay isay ymay irthdaybay. Iay ovelay ouyay.” Nessa spoke loudly, stopping in between each word.

Both Harry and Hermione’s face morphed into a look of confusion.

“He taught me a new language in less than a minute. It’s called pig Latin!” Nessa explained in a proud voice. “I can teach but, he said it’s very hard and only very special people can get it. You both are special, but I don’t know if you are _very_ special.”

Both Harry and Hermione froze, amused at the small child standing in front of them lecturing them as if they were her students.

“Come back here at the end of your trips for the rest of your information,” Hermione said to Harry before directing her gaze to Vanessa. “Don’t tell your Daddy who. It has to be a surprise.”

Harry’s jaw dropped before he turned to look at his daughter again. This time, he noticed, “Ness! Your hair?!” 

\---

Draco rested his head on the table in front of him and groaned.

“Dray, are you crying again?” Blaise asked from the booth over.

“I’m about to,” He groaned, “I know I’ve said this about the past five kids that came through, but I mean it, even more, this time. I love that child with all my heart and if she doesn’t pick me, I will be broken.”

Draco hears the curtain behind him open, prompting him to lift his head up and look at the man standing behind him. “She had the same colour hair as you.”

Confused, Draco lifts his head and turns to face Blaise, “Are you blind. Not all blond people have the same colour hair. Her hair is blonder than mine. Mine is platinum as some people call it. I prefer fancy white.”

“I’m not stupid, maybe you weren’t paying attention, her hair was ‘fancy white’ or whatever. It was the exact same as yours.” Blaise kicked the back of Draco’s chair playfully.

“Okay everyone come out!” The two men jump at the booming sound of Hermione’s voice echoing off the walls of the room.

Draco and Blaise walk out of the booth and line up among their fellow co-workers.

“Did one of you change V- sorry, how did she introduce herself to you?” The line of wizards all says ‘Nessa,’ simultaneously. “Did one of you change Nessa’s hair colour?”

The room went silent, but Draco began to panic. Did he accidentally change the girl’s hair colour? Even though Hermione was one of the people who Draco knew truly trusted him, he couldn’t help but doubt himself.

“I think,” Blaise began looking at Draco slightly concerned, “It happened somewhere between Dray and me. He said she had honey blonde hair, but I swear her hair was the exact same colour as Drac- Dray’s.

Draco flinches at Blaise’s slip up. He was probably the only one who noticed it, but it still caught him off guard. When referring to himself in his own head, he thought Draco rather than Dray, but hearing other people call him Draco triggered him. He was at work, it was an accident, he is not the same person that existed eight years ago. The only thing they share in common is a name. And it meant nothing.

Draco exhales and opens his eyes to see that most of the other wizards in the room had left. It was just Blaise, Hermione, and him. Hermione stood directly in front of him, with a concerned face. Her arm comfortably held onto Draco’s hand, acknowledging that she knew who was standing in front of her. “Dray. You didn’t do anything. The girl is crazy about you, Dray. I think she’s somehow some form of metamorphagous, so she just matched your hair colour, Dray.”

Draco could tell how stupid his name sounded being forced into the sentence that many times, but it helped him. He was eternally grateful for Hermione. When he thinks of all the countless people who have saved his life, the first person he thinks of is her. Draco would give his everything for the kind, determined woman standing in front of him.

As the realisation hit him, Draco’s jaw dropped, “She picked me?” A smile slowly formed on his face. “That angel picked me? Nessa picked me?”

Blaise slapped Draco on the back as he turned to exit the giant room in way to his cubicle. “Congrats man.”

Hermione watched as the door fell shut behind Blaise before continuing to speak, “She’s Harry’s son.”

Draco looked at her, confused.

“Harry Potter, Dray.” His mouth fell open. It wasn’t that he forgot, it was impossible to forget. But it hurt him to remember. When he applied for a job at the MA, he broke down in tears. Crying seemed to be all he could do. The reason he was crying was even more pathetic than the crying itself. Hermione was the founder of the MA. And she accepted Draco no problem and even offered forgiveness.

Draco couldn’t handle this. The extent of how sorry he felt didn’t even fit within him. He didn’t want Hermione to forgive him. He didn’t deserve it. And then Ron did. And somehow the reason the two mostly stayed clear of each other was for Draco’s sake as opposed to Ron’s. Draco knew it should be the other way around, but for some reason, Ron and Hermione cared about him. It made him so happy but at the same time, it hurt him so badly.

“Nessa, her name then, Nessa Potter?” Draco gulped.

“Dray, I’m sorry. I should have thought this through. I knew you and Nessa would get along great. I also knew Harry wants whatever is best for Nessa. I’m sorry. I was being selfish; I didn’t think about how it could hurt you.”

Draco shook his head, “I want to do it. Can you just tell him, tell him…” Draco trails off, there’s so much that Potter probably thought he knew about Draco. But the truth was, Potter knew the man before Dray.

“You don’t have to do it. I told them to come back at the end of the day, so you have time to think about it.”

Draco let out a sigh of relief. He had to say no. He was going to say no. However, the thought of the smiling girl that he met, the one with the honey blonde hair who liked him so much her hair changed to match his. Would she be able to get the best from anyone else? If Draco just left him, he would only be hurting another person. He had to do it.

“No Hermione. I want to do it. I really want to teach that girl everything she could ever want to know.”

Hermione smiles before grabbing Draco and pulling him into a hug, “Every time I look into your eyes Dray, I see hurt. Stop hating yourself. Dray, you are an amazing person okay.”

Draco didn’t understand how Ron and Hermione were both so easily able to detach who Draco currently is from who he was. Especially when the person he had been hurt them both so severely. Ron lost a sibling because of Draco. Hermione was tortured in Draco’s house. Draco wanted them to believe it wasn’t him. He doesn’t feel like it was him, but he knows deep down that it was him. The years didn’t truly make him a new person.

“Let’s see how this goes. If it goes poorly, maybe I’ll send you back to the muggle world. I won’t ask you to come back.”

Draco didn’t want to leave anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted to do.

“Please be good to yourself Dray.” Hermione let go of Draco and led him out the room into the office areas. “I think they should be back in about an hour. Vanessa does things quickly. Harry can hardly keep up with her.”

Draco smiled. “I’m gonna go grab her file. Thank you, Hermione.”

-

-

-

Harry couldn’t help but revel in his daughter’s absolute infatuation with everything magical. Harry remembered his first time in Diagon Alley, it was amazing. However, for Harry the looming fear that he was only dreaming kept him from enjoying it in a carefree way like Nessa.

Harry smiled as his daughter dragged him to the tiny rundown front of the MA, “Calm down Ness, how fast we get there isn’t going to change anything. You won’t be starting until tomorrow either.”

Harry didn’t want it to start that soon, but in order to get in the suggested number of hours, Nessa had to start immediately. Nevertheless, Harry held no compunctions about holding it off until now.

“Welcome back.” Hermione pushed the door open and held it for the two of them. “Nessa, Faith is going to take you into the back room where you were before. Your number five is waiting there. I have to talk to Harry.”

“Okay, that sounds good.” Nessa smiled and walked to Faith’s desk to wait for her to stand up.

“Nessa’s so mature. She acts like a little woman.” Hermione started walking down a different hallway into a small office room.

“Mione don’t say that. She’s my baby.” Harry whined jokingly. He took a seat in the desk and stared into Hermione’s serious eyes.

“I have been permitted to tell you everything you need to know. I think that you need to know everything, Harry.”

Harry stared at her, confused and anxious. He had thought that Hermione and he told each other everything.

“Four years ago, almost exactly a year after you took in Vanessa. Ron and I went out on a date.”

Harry raised his eyebrow, confused at how this was relevant at all. Clearly Hermione was for some reason or another, stalling. “Um. Good for you?”

“We went to a nice restaurant and then since you were at our house with Rose and Nessa, we decided to go to a pub.”

“Listen, Mione, it’s my daughter’s birthday. Her last one outside of Hogwarts too. Can’t you tell me this later.” Harry looked behind him at the large glass window.

“Harry. This is about Dray-co Malfoy.” She said, awkwardly pausing in the middle of his name.

Harry froze for a brief second before standing up, “No. Is she in there with him? Mione you-”

“Ron and I went behind the pub and we found him on the brink of death. The second he saw us he started apologising and explaining how he didn’t have enough muggle pills. At the time he wouldn’t go anything with magic. He began to beg us to finish him off.”

Harry stood frozen at the door.

“Ron and I took him to a muggle hospital since he wouldn’t go St Mungo’s. We had to find a cab. The entire way there he was begging us to kill him, it was horrible. I was crying. _Ron_ was crying. I didn’t recognise him, Harry, he looked so broken.

“A year later, he showed up at the MA and asked if he could apply. I said yes. He, Blaise, and Pansy lived in muggle London with zero connection to our world for three years straight. When I finally told them to come back to start working officially. Draco said he didn’t think he wanted to.

“I was being selfish, I don’t know why it was so important to me, but I needed to see him okay again. So, I convinced him to come back. He’s so strong, but he’s fragile. He’s so selfless and has given his everything for each and every muggleborn he has worked with this past year. He’s not the same person you knew. I promise Harry the man in there with your daughter is not a man you have ever met before.”

Harry took back his seat and let his shoulder’s slump. “I trust you. And if Ron… then I can.”

“Thank you, Harry.” Hermione smiled, before standing up, “Oh, and do NOT call him Draco or Malfoy. It’ll trigger him to start disassociating and likely have a panic attack. He hasn’t been chosen for work in a while, so his mental state isn’t as strong as it usually is.”

“Huh?”

“Dray. Call him Dray.” Hermione opened the door. “There’s a one-way window in the hall. Come look.”

Harry walked after Hermione, still trying to digest all the information that was just thrown at him. A completely new person. Dray wasn’t going to be Draco.

Hermione tapped her want to the white wall causing it to transform into a long window. In the empty room, Harry first spotted his daughter running across the room, her hair a once again the colour it was when she came from the room the first time. Nessa stopped and started talking, making a face that Harry knew as “I’m teaching you” face. Nessa kicked her leg out and did a nearly perfect cartwheel.

Then from the other side of the room, a tall skinny man in dress pants and a pink button-down shirt walked across. Nessa’s raised her hands up demonstratively. The man turned around and mirrored pose. Harry could finally see his face. Draco looked the same, but somehow different. He held himself different. And he was smiling. His cheekbones still could cut a rock and his cheeks were hollowed and lead down to his narrow chin. He looked refined and pointy until Harry saw his eyes smiling.

Harry had seen Draco smile before, but never with his eyes. He truly was looking at a different person.

Harry watched as Draco attempted to do a cartwheel. He was nowhere near as good as Nessa, but for a twenty-eight-year-old man, he wasn’t half bad.

“He’s fun. He’ll take you two to so many places, wizarding and muggle. He’ll become someone who will help guide Vanessa, and you.” Hermione pressed her hand into Harry’s shoulder, giving him a slight tug.

“Will you watch Nessa. I think I should talk to him alone.”

Hermione put her hand on the doorknob before turning to her head to Harry with a smile. “I’ll take Nessa my house so she can play with Rose. When you’re done, join us and Ron will have made a delicious birthday dinner.”

Harry looked down at his muggle watch, it was only three. “It’s not going to take me that long Mione.”

“Don’t talk here. Suggest going to muggle London. He apparates directly into here. Won’t go out into Diagon alley.”

“It’s Nessa’s birthday,” Harry argued, the idea of going out to muggle London with _Malfoy_ making him feel a bit sick to his stomach.

“Harry. You have spent how many hours with her today? And how about yesterday. It is her birthday, let her go have fun.” Without waiting for a response Hermione opened the door of the room.

“Daddy! This is Dray.” Nessa grabbed on to Draco’s hand pulling him toward Harry. Harry looked up at Malfoy whose eyes were dripping with fear. “Dray this is my dad. His name is Harry.”

“Hi, Hello Harry. Nice to see you.” Draco looked down at Nessa, who was currently listening to Hermione whisper something in her ear. Harry was surprised at how brief their eye contact was. He didn’t expect him to be so timid.

“Daddy, I’m going to Hermione’s house while you talk to Dray okay. Are you going to be okay without me?” Harry smiles, but he can only nod. “Dray, can you take care of my dad. I think he’s scared to be alone without me or something.”

Hermione laughs. He guessed her point was proven after all. Nessa and Hermione waved and left the two alone.

“Hello, Dray,” Harry said cautiously. After saying his nickname, Harry noticed Draco relax significantly. He waited for him to say something when his mouth fell open, but he just stood there with his eyes glossy.

Standing there in the thick tension of the silence, Harry watched a tear roll down Draco’s face. “I hate myself,” he finally spoke, surprising Harry with his statement, “I’m so sorry I can’t express it. There’s nothing I can do. There will never be anything I can do to show you how sorry I am. I bet seeing me like this is making you worried, sorry. I’m not like this with Nessie.”

“Dray,” Harry tested the name out once again, “Can we go to a café? In muggle London maybe. Do you know a good place?”

Draco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Yes, that sounds great. Do you mind if we side along since you don’t exactly know where it is.”

“No, I don’t mind.” And to Harry’s surprise, he didn’t. He felt no anger towards the man standing in front of him. Draco had been an impressionable child once, trying to save his family and Harry no longer had it in him to hold it against him. Especially not when Draco clearly constantly held it against himself.

Harry wrapped his arm around Malfoy’s waist. Almost immediately he tensed up. Unsure of how to react, Harry looked at Draco and smiled, hoping it was enough to let him know that he was okay.


	2. ice, love, and sticky notes

Harry looked fine; Draco couldn’t help but wonder if he also looked fine. There was the possibility that Harry was freaking out just like he was. Maybe, Harry’s muscles were tensed up too, ready to run at any moment.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Harry interrupted the thick silence first, “But I don’t understand how you are doing this. I, I just don’t know how your personality completely changed.”

Draco looks down at his cup of iced tea, or what was left of it. He wished he had saved more of it to use as a clutch. He took a deep breath, “I think,” he paused, looking up from his tea and straight into the eyes his old classmate sitting across from him, “I think that my personality couldn’t have completely changed. I think it just started?”

He couldn’t tell if what he was saying made sense. It didn’t to him, and judging Harry’s scrunched up eyebrows and nose, it didn’t make sense to him either.

“Before, my personality was created by the expectations my parents and our society had for me. After the war, the expectations were different. Easier, but worse. I went to muggle London and there were no expectations for me. So, I, my personality finally got to be my own.” Draco picked up his drink and let a piece of ice fall into his mouth.

Harry didn’t look as confused anymore; his face was void of any expression. It was worrying for Draco. He didn’t think he said anything wrong. He didn’t ask for forgiveness. He would say sorry time and time again, but he would never ask for forgiveness.

“I guess it was kind of the same for me. Of course, my expectations were socially correct, but they did shape my personality. But, staying out of the public and raising my daughter has really helped me to find myself.” Harry lifted up his wrist and looked at his watch.

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed, “A little rude to blatantly lift up your watch to check the time. I don’t plan on taking up too much of your time. Don’t worry.”

“If you don’t mind, can I ask you about your relationship with Ron and Hermione?” Harry disregarded Draco’s statement with an awkward smile.

A bit shocked, Draco’s mouth opened slightly. Then to his surprised, he chuckled, “I made Ron cry.” Harry looked horrified. Draco couldn’t blame him since he knew the full story, “Sorry that probably wasn’t funny.”

Harry shook his head in agreement before awkwardly chuckling, “It wasn’t, but it makes it easier to talk about. I’ve made jokes that have scared people away so many times. I was just surprised.”

Draco was relieved, for a moment he thought that Harry was going to get up and leave ensuring that Draco never saw him or his daughter again.

“I don’t know why, but I kept visiting my dad. He’d tell me horrible things.” Draco looked down at the table, remembering his dad’s pale face and long blonde hair. “He would tell me the most horrible things. And then he’d tell me how much he loved and cherished me.

“I wanted to believe that his beliefs were not things that he truly believed. Like me. But he believed everything that he had done was right. And that he did it all because he loved me. I don’t know how I fell for it all my life. Thinking it was love.” Draco stopped. Every year before Draco would board the Hogwarts express, his dad would crouch down, look him in the eye and tell him that he would do amazing things.

“I think he did love me. It was love. He did everything because he loved me and my mom. It was hurtful love. I don’t get why people think love is beautiful, it leads to such horrid things.”

Draco looked back up at Harry, realising that he had in fact been rambling. HE hadn’t done that in a while. He couldn’t lie to himself, it felt nice.

“Love can be beautiful Draco,” Draco’s eyes widened at the use of his first name, however, the brevity of his words kept him grounded. He had to know more. He couldn’t freak out because he wanted to know how Harry saw love.

Harry hadn’t even seemed to notice that he said Draco’s full name, but he stopped. Draco watched his eyes move around eyeing at all the objects around them, “Love can be beautiful.”

Draco’s heart rose up to his shoulders, he was perturbed. Harry didn’t give an explanation, “How do you know.”

“I love my daughter. She loves me; I love Ron and Hermione and they love me. It’s beautiful.”

“How. Your love for your daughter, it’s the reason you’ve kept her out of both the muggle and magical world right. That can’t be good for her. And her love for you? Maybe one day she won’t tell you something is wrong because she loves you. Love is hardly beautiful Harry, it’s just an excuse.”

Harry looked down at his lap, his expression dark, “Dray, I hope you do not teach my daughter that. Maybe she’ll be able to teach you just as much as you plan to teach her.” His tone was firm; it made Draco all the more ready to run. Harry didn’t argue with him. Maybe he was just hiding from the truth.

However, Draco was fired up. He needed Harry to see what he was saying. But what he was saying was clearly hurting Harry. And he had done enough of that to last lifetimes.

“I should probably go. It’s Nessa’s birthday.” Harry stood up and looked at Draco. His face bore a smile that held not much more than pity.

-

-

-

It was always a pleasure to see Ron at home, Harry walked into the door of the Weasley’s home. Ron currently was wearing an apron as well as holding a small red-haired boy in his arms.

Ron was quite the father. Harry and his friends were all quite surprised about it given his personality all through Hogwarts. However, when they thought about it, it did make sense for him to be such a family man. He grew up a huge family where he loved and cared for each and every one of his siblings as well as his parents. Ron’s family was the dictionary definition of a family.

Harry takes a seat on the lounge chair facing the kitchen. He watches Ron walk back into the kitchen and stir a large pot.

“Mione dropped Nessa off. She had to run over to a muggle house to meet with parents who’s twins just simultaneously had bursts of accidental magic. She talked with the mother on the phone. Mione says she’s going to have to take the children. Mom’s young and sounds desperate to get rid of them. It really hurts to hear, and honestly doesn’t make sense to me.” Ron explained as he placed Hugo down in his chair in front of a colouring book and some crayons. “I guess it’s what’s best for them. Two boys. Parker and Troy. Hugo said yes to older brothers, Rose said yes, Mione’s the only one who hasn’t.”

Harry leaned forward in his seat, “She brought up wanting to adopt earlier today. Unfortunate event, but kind of perfect timing wise. Most likely they’ll have a wonderful home to go to right away.”

Ron glanced at Harry and smiled for a brief second before his face grew serious, “You saw Dray earlier today right.”

“How have you forgiven him, Ron. No offence but you of all people? I don’t think I can.”

Ron chuckled, running his hand through Hugo’s long hair as he walked over to the couch near Harry. “I haven’t forgiven him. I have accepted his apology and acknowledged that he meant it. And really, I have just grown up.”

“Oh,” Harry whispered. He should have known.

“I think when we had Rose, I finally understood why he did what he did. I realised that anything we might be telling Rose could be wrong. But since we told her that, she is going to believe us for as long as she can. He doesn’t want your forgiveness, Harry. Hermione has forgiven him. I haven’t. Yet, we are all friends. We’ve grown up and we get by.”

“Fatherhood looks good on you mate.” Harry smiled, wishing he could pull it off just a fraction as well.

“I know,” Ron smirked standing up and turning away from Harry, “I mean look at my butt. All of the child lifting has really made me toned.”

Breaking his attention from Ron and ceasing his laugh, Harry felt two arms go around his neck from behind his chair. Beaming, he tilted his head back allowing him to see just the top of his daughter’s hair. It was strawberry blonde, not platinum or honey.

Nessa gave Harry a soft peck on his forehead, “No fever. Neither of us are sick.” She unwrapped her arms and walked over to the couch with Rose following her.

“Hello, Uncle Potter. I promise I didn’t do it.” Rose said, looking between Harry and Nessa, specifically at her hair.

“Ness, are you going to acknowledge the fact your hair is changing colours?” Harry questioned, knowing he had no reason to be concerned. However, he didn’t quite understand why Nessa hadn’t brought it up yet.

“Don’t worry. I think I’m just copying Rose’s hair. Don’t worry.” Nessa shot Harry a small smile, which was more than enough to calm him.

“Did you know that I might be getting two brothers?” Rose asked Harry, her tone very reminiscent of Ginny’s.

“Oi,” Ron called from the kitchen, “I told you not to get your hopes up too high Rosie.”

“They’re not too high. Daddy your hopes are the highest,” She complained, prompting both Harry and Ron to laugh.

-

-

-

Draco liked the simplicity of muggle items. He liked how useful and creative they were. Like sticky notes. The bedroom wall where his bed headboard hit was covered in a plethora of coloured sticky notes.

Yawning, Draco went over to his bedside drawer and pulled out a blue pad of blank notes as well as a ballpoint pen. He loved how smooth it wrote. The ink of a gel pen looked better on paper, but they were so similar to quills and nowhere near as relaxing to use.

Muggles, he thought, most likely never thought of this. They would have been using these pens all their life. Maybe they would have a preference, but they wouldn’t ever feel the same way Draco did.

In the silence of his tiny bedroom, he uncapped his pen and stuck it on the bottom of the pen. Draco turned his head to peer at the filled-out pieces of paper on his wall. He was going to write to someone new.

_Dear Lilly Potter,_

_I wonder what you thought of love. Did you know when you jumped in front of baby Harry that you would save him. Did you think about his future before that very moment? Was it an instinct? A mistake, something you couldn’t help doing? If there is a heaven, I’m sure you’re there. I’ve never written to my mom, cause I’m not sure if she is. I know my dad isn’t. I wonder where I’ll be. Your love saving Harry should be beautiful, but I can’t see it. I’d do it too. I’d jump in front of a killing curse for your son, Hermione, Ron, their children. I just can’t see how it would be beautiful. It would only hurt them. I would take the curse, but I’d feel no pain._

Draco was out of room, with a shaky hand, he wrote his name on the paper before tearing it off. The wall was almost full. Six, possibly seven more notes if he rearranged a few before he would have to move on to the next.

Carefully, he pressed it onto the wall, letting his eyes dart to all the other papers on the wall. Writing them made him feel better. He liked to believe that Sirius, Fred, Snape, and all the others could read his notes from the other side. Not so he could ask for their forgiveness, but so he could let them know he was sorry.

His work computer sat on the charger next to his bed. He also liked the computer, not as much as the sticky notes or the pens, but he really liked it.

Laying himself down, he unplugged his computer and punched in his password opening up his email. Despite how cool the computer was, learning how to use it took him ages. He was no pro now, but he could use it better than most other wizards.

He opened up his email. He wanted to go to sleep. It was hardly five, yet he was ready to call it a day. However, he had to inform Harry what would be going on tomorrow. He really hoped Harry wasn’t mad at him for what he had said earlier.

_Good Afternoon Mr. Potter,_

_This is Dray, Nessa’s wizarding tutor. I hope that you two had a fantastic day. Please wish Nessa a happy birthday in my name. In regard to our first meeting tomorrow, I would like to come an hour before Nessa is done with regular tutoring. While talking to her yesterday, she told me that she does school at home Monday through Friday. During that hour, I would like to make plans with you and discuss our goals for Nessa’s experience. There are a lot of fun opportunities coming up for Nessa and you as well. I will see you tomorrow at 2:00._

_Sincerely,_

_Dray M._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo. so when i saw the comments yall left, i immediately started writing again. it is so motivating to see what you think and that you are reading this. let me know if you have any suggestions (grammar, clarity, spelling, language, story, anything). don't be afraid of offending me. it would mean the world if you let me know since I am horrible at finding these errors on my own. :)


	3. trying, but giving up

“So, we have a year until Nessa goes to Hogwarts. We won’t be cramped for time in between activities, but we also won’t be able to have weeks in between like most others.” Draco sounded different, he was focused, ready to work. Harry had to admit, it relieved him. Back at the café, he almost began worrying that Draco wouldn’t be able to compose himself for Nessa.

But Draco’s eyes were sparkling in a way that Harry never had seen before. They were full of excitement and passion; passion about doing something Harry never would have even dreamed Draco would do.

“There are a couple of long-distance night trips in the itinerary. We can plan those based on whenever you are available. The order in which we do everything doesn’t really matter. I could tell you what order I would think would be best, but it’s up to you. Also, you don’t have to go along with us unless you want to.”

“No,” Harry quickly responded, “I’ll definitely come. And the order is up to you. I’m never busy, I work on a flexible schedule.”

“Okay,” Draco smiled flipping open a notebook. Harry watched as Draco raised a pen to his mouth and gently uncapped it with his teeth. Draco looked at Harry, “Did I do something?”

Harry simply shook his head, but he was confused. He didn’t do anything either.

“Anyway… um… So, today I’ll teach Nessa some of the basic rules of Magic. The basic science, stuff she may or may not know. I’ll,” Draco looked directly into Harry’s eyes, pausing, “I’ll just gage what she knows.”

“Not much, don’t do much magic around here. Neither do the Weasley’s. I mean more than I do, but not much.” Harry scowled, looking down at his lap. It was embarrassing. His own daughter hardly knew more than the fact that magic existed.

“That’s why I’m here.” Draco wrote something down in his notebook before looking back up, “I know it’s short notice, but I think tomorrow, we should go to the English Estate. It’s a pureblood house. We’ll spend two nights there with the English family. It’s better to do it earlier and that’s the only date that isn’t months away.”

Harry felt his throat constrict at the very thought of taking his muggleborn daughter into a pureblood house.

“Harry,” Draco placed the toe of his shoe over Harry’s, “They are a good family. Like Rich and Proper Weasleys. Being friends with Hermione, I’m kind of surprised you don’t know them. They are huge sponsors for the MA.”

Harry’s eyes remained glued to his feet. His stomach wasn’t sitting right, it was swirling around giving him the slight urge to rid his stomach of his lunch. While that was a problem for Harry, the fact that he didn’t know why was feeling this way.

“Are you all right,” Draco asked, lifting his foot off from Harry’s. “If you don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable with it, we don’t have to. Hermione might try to convince you, but she’s your daughter it’s up to you.”

Harry gulped, that was what it was, “No. I want her to have this experience. It was unfair of me to assume that they were bad people.”

Draco nodded in affirmation. He definitely knew how unfair it was. “If you don’t mind me asking, how come you aren’t married or with anyone. I kind of thought you were with Ginny.”

Harry smiles sadly to himself, “I was. But I don’t think I’m capable of being in love. I can love, but I don’t know if I can be in it. I love Ginny. But I wasn’t in love with her. It’s not that I don’t want it. I do, I just can’t seem to have it or find it.” He looks up at Draco’s face, even though he looks practically the same, his face is so caring. His eyes look gently on his pointy face. His skin looks smooth and his lips look soft. He doesn’t look like someone who would see love as a horrible thing, “You?”

“I had a thing with a muggle during training. It was weird because I didn’t know it was a thing until it was over. And then, when it was, I was okay with it. Not the fact that it was over, the fact that it happened and the details of it. I realised it would take a lot to bring me down any further than I had already gone.”

“I can’t tell if that is a great way of thinking or a sad one,” Harry whispered.

“Why not both.” Draco reached over to the table and gently placed his notebook down, “I’ll finish it at home, and I’ll email you a copy.”

“Okay.” Harry stood up, “The kitchen is down the hall, can I make you some food?” Draco’s ears were red, most likely from the conversation about his muggle girlfriend. The topic had already been changed though, so Harry couldn’t help but wonder if that was truly the reason.

“Can I help you if you need; I’d feel bad if you just made food for me.”

“I was going to make some for Nessa and me, but if you want to help, I’d be glad to have your company.” Harry smiles, wanting to make Draco feel comfortable in his home.

Silent, Harry leads Draco from their sitting room down a hall into their kitchen. It’s a modern kitchen, the last thing redone in the house. Harry was pretty sure he spent more money on the kitchen than he did on any other room.

In the centre of the kitchen was an island with a few tall wooden stools. Harry would probably have Draco tutor Nessa there rather than in the office. He wanted them out in the open just to make sure everything was okay.

As Harry walked behind the island to its sink, Draco took a seat in the middle black stool and rested his elbows on the grey marble countertop.

“What are you going to make?” Draco asks, quietly, still looking around the kitchen.

Harry reaches down to the towel underneath the sink and dry’s in hands before leaning right over it towards Draco, “What do you want.”

Draco chuckles before reaching his arm out and placing it on Harry’s chest, “Your very best.” He pushes Harry back with a slight smile. Harry could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He hadn’t lost his balance that badly, but the push most likely did catch him off guard.

“My best is too fancy for a simple snack. How about I make you mine and Nessa’s favourite?”

“Quesadillas.” Harry turned his back to Draco and crouched down to the cupboard under the stove to grab a pan.

“That’s not a showcase of talent but sounds good.” Draco pulls out his phone and begins typing something. As Harry turns on the stove, he wonders who he’s texting or what he’s writing. Harry continues preparations, with half his mind occupied on Draco.

“Harry.” Harry turned away from the fridge to the opening to the living room with a bad of shredded cheeses in hand.

“Oh, Spencer how was it.” Harry placed the cheese down next to the tortillas and walked over to the tall black-haired man standing in the frame.

“Great. She’s finishing up a worksheet and then she’ll be down. She has work for the rest of the week. Should I come every day or no?” He asks casually, leaning against the wall. Spencer is a childhood friend of Hermione, and truly just a muggle version of her. He offered to tutor Nessa and because of it, Nessa was on track to be amazing just like her aunt.

“Actually, tomorrow and Wednesday we are going on a trip.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. Tell Nessa if she can’t complete all her work it’s okay. She’s already ahead.”

“Will do. Have a good evening Spence. Thank you.”

“You too Harry.”

Harry waved and watched Spencer leave before turning around to continue cooking. Draco wasn’t on his phone anymore; he was looking directly at Harry. He wasn’t used to being stared at anymore, his cheeks were at least tinted a bit pink.

“Daddy is Dray here?” Nessa called from the office.

“Yes, love but finish your work first. I’m making quesadillas for you two. Please eat at least seven of them, Ness.” Harry flipped the quesadilla off the pan and placed another on before turning to grab a knife.

“Is she in an office? That would probably be the best place for us to go,” Draco finally spoke up. Harry tried to hide his disappointment, he wanted to know what the two would be doing, but it really wasn’t up to him. He nodded and smiled in response.

A few moments later, after the quesadillas were cut into wedges and stacked on a plate, Nessa walked into the kitchen and waved at Draco. Harry wanted to melt, she looked so grown up. Her hair wasn’t in braids like how Harry would usually do it, it was just out and flowing only stopping right below her hips. Harry needed to give her a haircut before she started sitting on it.

“Dray is going to take you back to the office.” Harry looked down at his daughter who stood right in front of him. He wondered if she would grow up to be taller than him. It was possible and it was terrifying. Draco had to be at least six feet tall, he’d never have that concern.

“Okay. You’ll be okay right?” She asked, grabbing a quesadilla from the plate.

“Of course.” Harry bent down to give her a peck on her forehead before handing her the plate, “Make sure you share with Dray, and please no double dipping in the salsa.”

She nodded ferociously before beckoning Draco with her head. Until they were out of sight, Harry watched them both with a smile. He then went to grab a glass for just a bit of wine.

-

-

-

“Ness, does your dad talk about the wizarding world a lot?” Draco asks opting to sit on the floor rather than a chair. Nessa smiles keenly on the idea as she crosses her legs and takes a seat in front of Draco.

“No. He has told that exists and that wizards go to Diagon Alley and Hogwarts. I’ve seen him use the floo and occasionally he’ll take out his wand, but that it. I see the Weasley’s use it more. But not when my dad is also there with me.” Nessa explains, her smile gradually diminishing from her face.

Draco watches her, debating on what to say. Harry clearly had something against magic, and he wanted to know what it was. However, it was only his business if it involved Nessa getting her magical education.

“I think he’s scared of it. Well, not for himself. I think he scared of it for me even though I’m not scared of it.” Nessa explained, dipping a quesadilla into the salsa before she began to eat it very slowly. Draco reached out to grab one.

“Magic itself is not dangerous, people are what make it so. It’s important we learn to understand each other in order to make magic as safe as possible. When your dad and I were younger, people didn’t make those efforts.”

“His scar?” Nessa questioned, causing Draco’s jaw to drop a bit in surprise. Harry hadn’t told his daughter about his story. Nessa was smart enough to figure that out on her own. It was all surprising to him.

“While it is my job to ensure you know recent history Ness, I think your father should explain that story to you. With me there of course, just to make sure he’s not biased or anything.” Draco pauses, there is so much to teach this child, he doesn’t even know where he should start.

“Why are you my tutor though. He knows about the magical world; he just doesn’t like thinking about it very often.

Bless Nessa. “Do you know what purebloods, halfbloods, and muggleborns are?”

“Maybe?” Nessa replied, picking up another quesadilla. She takes tiny bites from it, like a bunny.

“Really it’s an arbitrary concept. One that has caused so many problems. However, we still use those terms in order to conceptualise where people came from and their history. You are a muggleborn; a magical person born to two non-magical persons. I, however, am a pureblood. My family going back years and years is only wizards.”

As Draco continued on about magical heritage, Nessa sat quiet yet engaged. Draco had to admit she was the perfect student. Wise beyond her years, kind, and humorous.

“Nessa, you are going to need to pack for a two-night trip. We are going to a pureblood house tomorrow.” Draco says, standing up with the half-full plate of quesadillas.

“My dad? We won’t leave him here by himself, right?” Nessa’s forehead furrowed in concern, immediately prompting worry to overcome Draco. Of course, it was sweet that Nessa cared this much for her Dad, but the fact she was worried about him was unhealthy. A ten-year-old worried about her father’s happiness was a sign that something wasn’t quite right.

Draco knew that Harry was a great father. That he tried to be his best for Nessa, but if he wasn’t also his best to himself, he would ultimately be hurting Nessa too. Draco knew his thinking was hypocritical when he focused on the fact that he was the one concluding it. However, he knew he was not wrong.

“Ness, are you worried about your dad?” Draco sits back down on the floor across from the young girl, whose hair is slowly transforming into its natural honey blonde. Maybe the question made her uncomfortable.

Nessa looked down at the plate of quesadillas and sniffled, “Sometimes. He acts like I’m all he has. And I don’t know what will happen when I go.” She looked back up at Draco with tears in her eyes, “If I’m sad, he’s sad. He tries not to show it, but I can tell. He never goes to Aunt Hermione’s house unless I go with him to play with Rose. I like tutoring, but sometimes I wish I could just go to school.”

She began sobbing, crouching down to hide her head on her crisscrossed legs. Draco reached out his arms and pulled her toward him, after moving the plate out of the way, “It’s because he loves you. But that doesn’t mean it’s all good Ness. I know you love him, and he loves you. I think you should tell him. Yes, you are older now. But you will never be old enough to keep your feelings from your dad.”

“You’re not happy either. I don’t see you smile for more than a few seconds. Why are the adults in my life all unhappy? It’s my fault. Is it my fault?”

“You make us all so happy Ness, so much happier than we would be without you.” Draco began to feel her tears soaking through his shirt as he held her closer. Nessa was enough to keep Harry afloat. Maybe just barely, but she was. Draco knew if he reached out, she might be able to help him too. But he knew better than to pull a kid under with him. Harry doesn’t realise how some of his actions affect Nessa. Harry could be better. Draco didn’t know if he could.

Clutching the young girl tightly, he allowed a single tear to fall. He was going to have to talk with Harry.

-

-

-

The English family had an extensive Wine Cellar. Draco’s mind was completely boggled at the fact they told him that he could have whichever. There were a few in there that even he had never seen before.

Leaving the wizarding world for Draco was also leaving his posh and luxurious life behind. He still had the money, but the only time he would ever indulge in something even slightly expensive, it would be wine. Everything about it, from its various smells to its various tastes made Draco giddy. He found he preferred muggle wines over elf-made wine, but the latter was still liquid heaven for him.

“White or Red, Harry.” Draco whispered to the man standing awkwardly close behind him.

“Why are there so many? Won’t they expire?” Harry looked over Draco’s shoulder to the two bottles he was holding.

“Won’t they expire.” Draco chuckled before turning to face Harry. As his eyes met Harry’s his face fell. It was almost as if he was just slapped in the face with a reminder of who he was; Draco Malfoy. “Oh god.” His grasp around the two wine bottles loosened prompting a loud shatter and splash to echo through the room.

Standing hardly a foot’s length away from him was Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Harry Potter, from the light. And he was Draco Malfoy. The person out to kill Harry Potter’s slave. Draco couldn’t escape, he would never escape. Harry is hurt, and Draco helped to hurt him.

Harry, who was holding Draco in his arms on a bed in an unfamiliar room. “Do I need to take you home? I won’t be mad. I won’t look for another tutor, I get it.” Harry’s face became blurry as Draco’s eyes grew warm. He felt so big in Harry’s arms, yet somehow small.

Awkwardly, Draco slid off Harry’s lap to sit on the bed next to him.

“I’ve wanted to say something since yesterday, but I sat outside of the office door the entire time.” Surprised, Draco turned to look at Harry. His eyes were glossy, most likely mirroring his. Just greener. “Did I ruin her life?”

Draco’s mouth fell open just a little, the answer was no, but he found himself unable to verbalise it. Instead, he looked away from Harry, slumping down in a way he made sure he never did in public.

“I used my love as an excuse to basically hold her captive ensuring that I’m all she has and that she’s all that I have. And, now she, my child, is worried about me. I don’t know what to do, I’ve failed as a parent.”

“You haven’t. She loves you so much and you love her the same. You just need to be honest with her and trust her. You need to live for yourself that way she isn’t scared to leave you.” Draco looked down at his white socks that were now stained red. “I think you should look for another tutor.”

“What.” Harry’s back straightened as he rapidly turned his head to meet Draco’s eyes, “I thought you loved her. And that you were going to teach her. Hermione said you were the best of the best. Why?”

Draco shrivelled back at the pure anger in Harry’s voice, “I, I don’t want her to be around someone like me.”

“Dray, what does that mean…”

“She’s too smart. She can see right through me; I’m falling apart and neither you nor she should get caught up in it.” Draco was ready to give up. He was ready to let go of everything, but he wasn’t ready to hurt Nessa or Harry. Nothing felt real to him anymore. He was in so much pain, but he couldn’t feel it. His body always felt like it was about to move, but it never did. He didn’t want to die. That wasn’t his goal. His goal was to stop feeling. “We don’t have to lie to Nessa. We’ll tell her the truth. I’m sick and I have to go far to make myself better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see any clarity issues, typos, grammatical errors? Well for the low, low price of NOTHING, you can comment about the issue. Not only will you be an amazing person who gets my undying appreciation, but you will ALSO get the satisfaction of being 𝓈𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓈𝒻𝒾𝑒𝒹. also
> 
> ẗ̷̨̰̙͕̗̪̼́ę̶̖͉͔͕̰̬̰͌̆͗̾̕l̴̗̱̦͕̼̈́l̸̦̣̔̈́̎̋͛̓͘̕͠ ̵̪̼̯͔̣͇̈́͛̈́͂̊͐̉̚m̸̢̤̣̻̒̚ĕ̶̢͇̭̤̜͎̻̼̟̄̂̒́̏͛ͅ ̴̢̱̩̻͚̲̤̳͂̏̒̾͊ẉ̵̢̛̙̼̝̬̃͛̇͛͛͝h̴̫̤̦͗͑̀̍̅͂͌̎́͠a̸͙̤̞̜͈̠̤̘͆̆͝t̸̯̬̦͎̤͙̍̈́̎̊̚ͅ ̴̪͖̺̜̈́̓͊̆͗̽y̷͕̼͙̭͔͒̅͛͌̋͠ǒ̶͔̉̓̚ũ̸̢̡̥̟̖͎͔̔̆̈́̊̏̅͊̈́͠ ̷̨͕̹͇̟̣̲̝̞̌́̈́̅̈́̒̈͛͝w̸̛͇̣͍̃̅̇̈͋̓͝ă̶͙̗̟̫͒͋̐̍̓̎͑n̴̥̫̒͗̀͑̂̃͠͝t̶̬͖̊̇̎̊͠ ̷̢͇̪̪̻̋̐̂̑͒ṱ̷̨͚̻̯̻͛o̵̧̐̄̆̈́̔̑ ̴̥̱̭̫͙̻͆̊̊̈́̇͐ͅs̴͕͓̈́̃͆̇̀̌e̴̛̯͈̰̤̹̤̪̜̓͂̑̋̄̈́̕͝ę̸̻̝͍ͅ,̸̤̳̩̳̏̐̈ ̸̠̰̿̂̊̾̈̽̿͆̃͝I̸̖̲̦̥̻̙̬̳̥̽͒̇̉̚'̵̹̜̩̬̿̈́͗͆̔͗͊́͝l̴̩͕̗͙͎͍̮͎͂̇̍́̃̿̌̓͋̚ĺ̷̢̧͍̦̰̺̥̲̍̍͌͌͘͠͠ ̸͙͙̤̩̩̉̏g̷̛̫̰̟̙̞͚̳͓̣̪̈́̋͗̆̒į̸̡̻̦̘̗̠̐̃͆v̸̲̰̝̲͚̰̞͐͠͝e̶̛̛͕͔͈̮̭͂̉̃̉͜͜ ̶̞̳͋̅̐͛̀̊́̂̚͠i̶̱̿͐͑̈́͐̒̕t̴̟̭̮̞̥̒͝ ̶͚͚̭̩̹͕̉͗̔̂t̷̗̲̃ơ̴͇͓̰̝̋̽͛̃͊ ̶̲̥̳̮͖̘̼͖̟͉̓̉y̶͙̙̬͚̼͙͎̰͕̎̀͜ö̶̡͋̐͌͋͑ư̸̤͈̲͙̲̮̪͇̏́̄͊̐̔̕͠ <3

**Author's Note:**

> this work is not complete. in fact, I haven't even written the next chapter. Unfortunately, I can only motivate myself to get this far. If you want to see more, literally all you have to do is tell me. Just one comment can be the reason I actually complete this fic. Let me know okay? <3


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